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Care And Love !
I can speak for one who had a special
child,and as a nurse of 22 years careing for my special folks
that it is not an easy row to hoe. In a family having to suddenly
spend extra time on someone takes away from the other siblings.
My experiance was almost 30 years ago
but it was no Beaver Cleaver or father knows best tv show.
Its hard to explain to the rest of the
family that someone needs your attention and that doesn't mean
you love them less but it is your child and depends on you
totally.
There are many more resources today
than then,but it still boils down to you and him or her.
The days will never seem to be long
enough to accomplish all the things you need to do.
Sometimes it seems you ought to just
move in to the hospital or the doctors office to make things
easier.
Family support and good resourses are
extremely important in these situations.(Pray to God you have
them)
It is difficult enough when you have a
two parent family, but to be forced to go it alone on your own is
a guarentee of sainthood.
I have seen many devoted parents go
this route and in my book the are solid gold.
Careing for terminally ill or severely
handicapped people is one of the hardest and heart wrenching
tasks one could assume.
This is not being said to deter anyone
for assuming this responsibility,rather to let you realise from
the start that when you start this you need to know it will be a
time of many peaks and valley's. The other side of this coin is
that one ounce of love given to the extra special young ones
gives you a 10,000 percent return on your investment.
When dealing with people who were
fuctional and have lost or are losing the ability to perform the
"activities of daily living"(you will hear this term
quite often when dealing with these special folks)is a different
story.
People who end up with a disability or
terminal illness later in life have many stages of emotions that
they go through such as anxiety,depression,anger,denial and a
myriad of offshoot physcological problems related to change of
lifestyle and a definate need to have to be dependant on others.
The fact that many illnesses have a
time frame of life expentancy that the sick person can dwell on
in their newfound spare time,I am certain does nothing to help
ones spirit.
The old walk in their moccasans should
be enough to be able to figure out what these folks go through.
I have freinds who have been on both
ends as the care reciever and the care giver and member of the
families that have gone through the arduous task of having to
deal with all these problems and I have asked them to relate
their feelings in a manner that other people may be able to
recognize in their own lives.
Here is one of the replies to my
request.
Everything you have said is accurate ..
but what I personally find missing is any suggestions to help the
emotional attitude of both the caregiver and the person(s)
needing special care. Personally, I look back on the caregiving
time I had with my mother, and I regret not having more patience.
She had been sickly since I was a child, and I don't think I
really believed she would ever die.
So I treated her with less patience
than I should have. If I could have held onto the realization
that every moment with her was a special gift from God, a time to
share our love ... I believe I would have been able to achieve
the patience I wish I had.
Personally as someone who is disabled
and finding myself less and less able to do every daily thing ..
I wish there was somewhere to go to find out what was available
to me as far as social services. I have called and talked to so
many people, but I always wonder if I haven't missed something
somewhere.
The other thing is that most people don't
realize that the greatest gift they could give me is asking if
they could stop at the store for me.. or maybe even ask if I
wanted to go along for the ride.
Another thing that I believe everyone
goes through is human touch. My mother often asked me to give her
a back rub ... or scratch her back .. I did it .. but with little
or no understanding of how important touch is to the human spirit.
Now I pay the price of my ignorance. I would kill for a good 15
minute back rub .. not only for the pleasure it brings but the
simple joy of another human being touching me.
This is from a person who for all
intents and purposes goes it alone.
There are thousands like her all with
just the need to be recognized,treated with a little love and
understanding(anyone you can relate to?). People who are still
relatively young,have their facilties and did once function in a
social atmosphere and are now confined to home are the people who
could use a part time caregiver if it was possible to aquire one.
Unfortunately they are usually the ones
who have to go without because of our incredidbly stupid
healthcare system. These people have to depend on the kindness of
neighbors and strangers to just get along.